Edith Dowell Joyce - Our Beloved Aunt

Mt. Airy, North Carolina, September 15, 2006.

Below is the eulogy Carole Mitchell Dowell (sister-in-law) and Nancy Dowell Adams performed for her sister.

I want to welcome each of you to our memorial service today – a service to remember Edith Dowell Joyce, who was sister, mother, or friend to all of us. During this service, will you join us in celebrating her release from her diseased body to go to her eternal Heavenly Home, now free from sickness, pain, and helplessness, now in the presence of God Himself.

Heavenly Father,
We thank you for the perfection of Your plan
to give us families,
families who care about us and help us through life.
families who share our good times and bad times,
families who give us a foretaste
of what Your heavenly family will be like.
We know our earthly families fail us at times,
we know they are imperfect, but so are each of us,
and in Your perfect plan
You meant for us to love and help each other.
Help us to do that now.
We thank You for the Dowell family.
Bless us as we gather together
to commit our beloved mother and sister to You.
Comfort each heart;
give us the assurance that You are with us and this is not the end.
May we look to You for Your strength and help
during this Memorial Service
and as our lives continue without the physical presence of Edith.
Give us the assurance that we too will join Your heavenly family
and our loved ones if we too have committed our lives to You.
If there are hearts that don’t know You, touch them this day,
that our family may be complete in Heaven.
Bless this service and Your will may be accomplished
through the words we speak and the things we do.
In the Name of Jesus we make our prayer.Amen

A memorial service is to remember. Nancy Adams is going to share some of her memories and thoughts about her sister Edith with us.

“My Memories of E” - Nancy Adams

PSALM 139: 1-12

Oh Lord, thou hast searched me and know me!
Thou knowest when I sit down and when I rise up; Thou discernest my thoughts from afar.
Thou searchest out my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, Thou knowest it altogether.
Thou dost beset me behind and before, and layest Thy hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it.
Whither shall I go from Thy Spirit?
Or whither shall I flee from Thy presence?
If I ascend to heaven, Thou art there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, Thou art there!
If I take wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Thy hand shall lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Let only the darkness cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to Thee, the night is bright as the day; for the darkness is as light with Thee.

Edith was the third child in a family of fifteen Dowell Children. She was the first daughter and was adored from the time of her birth by all.

Our father was a caring and loving man with strict principles for his children to live by. He was a merchant in this town and was admired by many people who knew him. Twelve of the fifteen children were self-employed and the others were executives in large companies in which they were employed.

Our mother was a very strong moral person who also wanted her children to do well. She had a softer personality and a loving manner that endeared her to all who knew her.

At this time, I want to focus on “E,” as she was called, and her influence on our lives. When Betty (my twin) and I were born, Edith was twelve years old. She made us each a coat and bonnet set that had much detail and was absolutely gorgeous. She was an excellent seamstress, a very good artist and painted still life as well as portraits. She painted portraits of several family members including our parents.

In her younger life, she took care of our mother during several hospital visits, even staying in her room at night, making sure that she got good care.

Edith did a lot to make sure that her younger siblings had fun and were well-behaved. She took us swimming, played bridge with us, taught us how to set a beautiful table and entertain our guests. She and her husband Raymond took us to out-of –town ballgames when Betty and I were cheerleaders because our dad required us to be chaperoned on all out-of-town trips. In fact, her son Raymond, Jr., seems more like a brother to me than a nephew, since we spent so much of our youth together.

“E” was married to a very fine man, Raymond Joyce. They were very close as a couple. I have fond memories of Raymond singing love songs to her when we were taking all those trips together.
She displayed the “fruits of the Spirit” in her interaction with friends and family.

I want to thank her son, Raymond, Jr., for the excellent care he has given to his mom during the years and especially in helping her come through her final days which were painful. She suffered through pancreatic cancer with courage and grace.

Another person I want to thank is Terry. “E” hired Terry as a household helper several years ago. Terry was very helpful to “E” with shopping, driving, and later on as a caregiver. He got her medical help, took her to appointments, helped with housework and shopping. His help gave the family much comfort. I was thanking Terry one day for his help, and he replied, “Mrs. Joyce helped me more than I helped her!” He said she always offered him a worm meal and helped him by advising him wisely when he needed a listening ear. Thank you Terry, you have truly been a friend to this family.

Raymond, Jr., took a medical leave of absence from his job at Texas A&M Heath Science Center in Texas. The leave has lasted for the past three months. He and Terry were a good team in caring for Edith.
I’m sure “E” joins her parents and siblings who preceded her in death to Heaven. We feel that all of them are in Jesus’ arms. I think if “E” were praying her prayer today, she would pray these words:

“Precious Lord, take my hand.
Lead me on, help me stand.
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.
Through the storm, through the night,
Lead me on to the light;
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.

When my way grows dreary,
Precious Lord, linger near.
When my life is almost gone,
Hear my cry, hear my call;
Hold my hand lest I fall.
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.

We want to praise God for his goodness and holiness. Let us pray:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sows love.
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.

Let us pray:

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be
consoled, as to console,
not so much to be understood, as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying, that we awake to eternal life.

Thank you, God, for our sister, our mother,
our grandmother, Edith Dowell Joyce.
Please keep her and her family in your care.

Amen

Memorial Message - Carole Dowell

John 16: 1-6

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.
“In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.”
“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.”
“And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?”

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

I want to affirm those words of Jesus today. “Let not your hearts be troubled.” Jesus did exactly what He promised; He came for Edith Sunday morning, September 10, 2006, to receive her unto Himself that she may be with Him forevermore. I can declare this truth to you beyond the shadow of a doubt because of a special blessing God granted Jimmy and me. It was a beautiful day, July 12, 2006, when we drove to Martinsville to visit Edith. She was upstairs in her bed, but was cheerful, alert, and glad to see us. We had a wonderful visit, filled with reminiscing, sharing family experiences and jokes, and catching up to date on each other and other family members. Her sickness and the excellent, unselfish care she had received from Junior and Terry, that wonderful man who has been like her right arm for a number of years, had evidently mellowed Edith.

Instead of becoming bitter because of what she was going through, she seemed to have pondered the rich life she had lived and the people who had shared it and contributed to it. She had the sweetest attitude about everyone who was mentioned, and we mentioned most of you. There was not a negative thought or felling during the entire time we were there. Edith was so complimentary about everyone and recalled so many kind, good, and even funny things family members had said and done throughout the years. For all of you who are Edith’s siblings, your dad would be shocked to know how much fun and laughter has come from his efforts to maintain strict discipline in the years you were growing up. He was, actually, so proud of how well all of you turned out as a result of that discipline.

Jimmy and I were concerned about Edith’s relationship with the Lord, and that was one of the main reasons we had gone to visit her. We knew she was a good woman with high moral standards, but we didn’t know if Jesus Christ was her Savior and Lord. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one come to the Father except through Me.” We certainly wanted her to come to the Father, and we didn’t know if she had sought His way through His Son. After we had visited for awhile, Jimmy asked her if she was a Christian, and she didn’t know. After explaining the necessity of asking Jesus for the salvation He died to provide for us, Jimmy asked if Edith would like for us to help her pray for salvation. Her eyes filled with tears as she nodded her head and said, “Yes, I would.” As we led her through the sinner’s prayer, tears trickled down her cheeks and settled on her sheet and pillow case, but her voice was firm and steady. After the prayer, her face glowed with joy, and an expression of deep peace and love softened her features. She wanted us to share the news with Junior and Terry when we went downstairs. Of course, they were delighted, and our hearts rejoiced as we left. We are still rejoicing.

With the certain knowledge Edith is home with our heavenly Father and those family members who have gone before her, let us use this memorial service and this day to remember her, to share memories. People, especially family members, are God’s special gifts to us for a short while, but memories are treasures that remain in our possession. We want to draw on our treasured memories during this service and in the time we have together afterward. We want to share them so all of us can remember the specialness of this precious person, Edith Dowell Joyce, whom we lived with and loved through the years. Let not your heart be troubled about her well-being now. She is with the King of kings and Lord of lords. Even knowing that, we are saddened today because there is an empty place which Edith filled for eighty-five years. God gave us tears to wash the sadness out of our hearts; don’t be ashamed to let them flow. May all the sadness be replaced with the joy of shared memories of Edith and of God’s goodness in blessing us with so many years together. Let us be blessed even by the bad times together because they help us appreciate the good times, and God uses them to strengthen us and draw us closer to Him.

Before Jimmy and I married, according to the custom at that time, we went to Leonard’s Jewelers and selected the patterns for our china, crystal, and silver – white china with a platinum band around it, clear crystal with a platinum band around the rim, and an elegant silverware pattern. We envisioned entertaining with a beautiful table set with a linen cloth and the things we had chosen. Imagine our surprise when we opened Edith’s gift and discovered this goblet. I thought she had made a mistake, so I said to her, “This is not our pattern. I’ll take it back to Leonard’s and exchange it.” I was stunned when Edith replied, “I chose this pattern deliberately. You need some color on your table. You’ll be surprised how this touch of color with your crystal will highlight the beauty in your other pieces.”

I found out over the years that the goblet was symbolic of Edith herself. It’s a beautiful piece, don’t you think? That was the first impression I had of Edith when I met her. She was beautiful, as were all of her sisters. I have never changed that opinion about any of you. You’re still beautiful, and so are the brothers, in-laws, children, and grandchildren. The amazing thing about Edith was that she was even more beautiful when she was lying sick in bed when we visited her in July. She was no longer the gorgeous, trim fashion plate she used to be; in fact, rather amazingly, she was almost a mirror image of her mother during the later part of her mother’s life. I’m sure all of you would agree that Edith’s mother, who was the mother and grandmother of many of you, was one of the most beautiful women. That Edith looked so much like her mother near the end of her life, and that she displayed a positive loving attitude toward her family members, even as her mother did, made her even more beautiful then she was in her younger years.

The true beauty and value of this goblet is what is inside – what you are going to take out of it into your own self. When the goblet is filled, we no longer notice the outside; it is the inside that matters. That is like Edith was over the years. She was beautiful from her birth; though in the last several years, we didn’t see it much, for she seemed to withdraw from us. But even as Edith distanced herself physically from us, her love and appreciation grew for her family and friends. You know the saying, “Distance make the heart grow fonder.” All of us who were able to visit her in her last days noticed her special inner beauty, which came from love and appreciation of others. What we saw was what we wanted to see, that her diseased body had become a container filled with love. Beautiful!

Just as the goblet Edith gave us was different from the others stems of crystal we had, Edith was different from other people, even her family members. She seemed to have an innate sense of the correct thing to do, which articles of clothing or accessories added the finishing touch to an outfit; how to put colors together to complement and accent the objects in a painting, a room, or an outfit, how to add or take away an object to bring out the best qualities of a person, arrangement, or painting. Edith was the Emily Post of the Dowell family – the authority on proper etiquette and good taste. She was the big sister – the one sought out by others for advice and help. She was also the one who gave it, unsolicited, when she sensed it was needed or would be helpful. Her opinions and advice were not based on what others thought or wanted to hear, but on her own feelings and observations. Needless to say, it was sometimes appreciated and used; other times it was resented and ignored. Edith thought the goblet she selected for us would do more than simply hold a drink; it would enhance and bring out the beauty of the table setting around it. In the same way, Edith used her advice and actions to bring out the best in other members of her family. As Nancy has told us about Betty and herself, because of Edith, they themselves and their lives were enriched and improved. I suspect most of the other family members have similar stories.

Though Edith’s goblet was different from our others, it possessed many qualities they did. They were all crystal; they were all stemmed; they were all created to hold something to drink, etc. Though Edith was unique, she had many qualities like others members of her family – things inherited from her parents. The genes she inherited from her two parents, who had totally opposite personalities, combined to make Edith and her siblings interesting, explosive, endearing, enduring, and exasperating – just to mention a few qualities. At times, Edith displayed the temper and domineering nature of her father; at other times, the loving, joking, compassionate nature of her mother. One way to judge the character of people is to observe their children. Edith’s parents were very successful in raising a family of fifteen respectable, successful children. Edith and Raymond raised one child, Junior, but he is a credit to their character and the quality of training he received from them. He could not have demonstrated his character in a more loving, thoughtful, dedicated away than he did in caring for his mother in her last days here on earth. He, with Terry to help him, did it in such a way that she would not consider having any other help as long as they could take care of her on their own. Of course, they had to have additional help when they could no longer mange because of her deteriorated condition. How many young men would take a three month leave, not only from their jobs, but also from their lives and families to totally devote themselves and their time to care for a dying parent? I can’t tell you how much I love, appreciate, and admire you, Junior, for what you have done. And you, Terry, for the excellent helper and friend you have been. I think I can speak for the family in saying that we consider you an honorary brother, a family member. Thank you!

Edith appreciated what these two did, though, like her father, she had trouble giving compliments. I can assure you that she spoke of her appreciation of these two men to her visitors, for she did to Jimmy and me. Though Edith was much mellowed and totally freed from unkind attitudes about others during the last months of her life; her domineering side had to rear itself from time to time. When it did, Junior listened, then went ahead and did exactly what he needed to do. He shared that Edith had disowned him only once while he was there for the last three months.

Edith was a unique jewel, entrusted to us for eighty-five years, but she was human just as we are. We loved her, and she loved us. Let’s remember her with that love and with the joyful assurance that she is at home now in the presence of God Himself. Let’s also let her death be a reminder that life doesn’t last forever. In honor and memory of Edith Dowell Joyce and the other family members who are awaiting us in heaven, let’s make the best of our time left here on earth to enjoy the family with which we have been blessed. Let’s make very sure that we are prepared to meet God and those who have gone before us when the time comes for Jesus to return for us.

What a celebration that will be!